I am legitimately upset that I missed the fucking Avengers screening.
My audition for Cabaret was today.
It went terribly. I cried. I just need to work on some things. I am 98% sure that I’m not going to get a call back. It is fine. I’m fine. I can still audition for the Shakespeare play. I know I really wanted the part but it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not ready for it yet and tonight helped me realize that. Musicals are really hard and there were girls tonight who seemed to have been working for this all their lives. I’m meant to do other things. Don’t get me wrong. I cried all hard core about it. My friend had to take the wheel for me it was so bad. That’s me though. Forever hard on myself. Forever dramatic. A highlight of tonight was that I saw that one guy again (I shall call him Jr for now). He’s so cute. He said hi to me and I said hi back and then walked away from him. Then his friend was talking to me and Mayra and I both saw Jr look at me with such an intensity it felt almost inappropriate. GAAHHH I’m so dumb for just walking away from him all the time. I’m sure Jr thinks I’m a complete creeper but still I can’t help but think that he wants it. His face looked ultra smug. Almost like he was amused at something. I don’t know. I was wearing sweat pants. At least my face looked acceptable. MAN. So the play is supposed to be sexy and stuff but I didn’t feel it. I’m not a very sexy person. When ever I try to be sexy I’m either seriously drunk or painfully awkward. I don’t know how to be sexy. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SEXY.
Okay so since I don’t have a life, ever since Dracula closed last Saturday I have been feeling very empty. I finally got to cut my hair (which makes all of my headbands even cuter) and I’ve actually lost some weight. Next up is Cabaret, but auditions are not until January. For those of you who do not know, Cabaret is a big time awsometastic musical that involves copious amounts of love,sex, and tiny tiny costumes. It’s also hella sad, but it has its light moments. I want the lead so badly I’ve started starving myself. I don’t want to not get casted because I don’t look the part. I’m really short so I have to lose even more. I’m not fat. Really I’m not. Think Joan from mad men. That’s what my body looks like for the most part. I need to be smaller though. The girls who got the lead in Dracula were thinner than me so I really need to step it up especially since Cabaret the costumes are pretty much sparkly lingerie. I can sing, I can act. I NEED THIS PART.